I had the day off yesterday, and for the first time in what felt like weeks, I was finally able to get a decent night's rest, and sleep in past my latest time of waking up, which is at 6:15am (rare for me; I'm usually up by 545am, at the latest). I was having a very strange dream, when I felt Ezra get out of bed. I felt the bed shaking, but thought it was just his movement. I soon heard him yelling at me to get up, and woke up disoriented, and in a frenzy to gain my footing. It was almost a feeling of vertigo, where you feel like you're unbalanced and about to topple over. I found myself in the hallway between our bedroom and bathroom, with Ezra pacing around in panic, trying to figure out a place for us to find cover. What is happening? Why is our house swaying and rumbling? As soon as I came to, I understood... the dreaded earthquake that Utah has been long overdue for. It was surreal, and I was terrified to say the least. Everything was happening so fast, but yet it felt like I was in slow motion trying to figure out what we needed to do. Thoughts like "is our house going to collapse in on us? What about the cats? Is this it?" ran through my head, as I finally gained some steadiness. The terror I felt with our house shaking violently and moving back and forth, and the loud sound of thunderous rumbling, brought to the surface so many emotions after the earthquake came to a stop. I cried. There has already been such high stress with the Coronavirus, and many people in quarantine, but then having to go through an earthquake too? It was overwhelming! Even though I'm able to somewhat keep my head level under pressure, the pressure still has to go somewhere right? And that's how it's released with me... through tears.
Ezra had to leave for work about an hour and a half after the quake, leaving me home alone. I was too frightened and ungrounded to do any meditation, so I kept my mind busy to keep me from thinking too much about the fear. So I got to work reassessing and revamping our 72 hour and car kits.
The Salt Lake area was hit with a 5.7 magnitude earthquake at 7:09am MST, with the epicenter located in Magna, Utah; just 14 miles west of Salt Lake City. And afterwards followed a series of smaller aftershocks, with the worst of them at 4.6 around 1:15pm. I jumped up from where I was sitting and found cover under the table. The cats were terrified, and ran into the kitchen too.
This wasn't my first experience in an earthquake, but it has been the most terrifying one thus far. The first earthquake I experienced was in July of 2010, when I was still living in Maryland. I was sleeping and awoke to what I thought was intense thunder, and then a rumbling feeling. I was too scared to get out of bed. I was living with my Young Single Adult Advisors at the time, and they had either both left for work already, or had gone out of town to visit their children. Their home was in the rural area of town, where it was a bit of a hike to get to your neighbors (whom I didn't know), and it was so eerily dark that morning. That was a 3.6 magnitude earthquake in Germantown, MD; 28 miles from Frederick, MD.
The second experience I had was in August of 2011. Ezra and I had moved back to Virginia Beach with my parents. We had returned home from school, and I was doing homework at my desk, with Ezra asleep just a few feet away on the bed. I felt a rumbling of the desk and was wondering what was happening in the house. Ezra was tossing around in his sleep, so I thought he was just shaking the floor. My dad came upstairs shortly after to ask if we were okay. He had told us about the earthquake we had. That was a 5.8 magnitude earthquake, but it was located 131 miles away in Mineral, VA, so we only felt the tremors.
Like I said, this earthquake was by far the worst that I have experienced, being only 14 miles away. I know many of you have probably experienced many of them, having lived in places accustomed to regular quakes. Maybe it doesn't phase you anymore, maybe they do. All I know is how I felt and what I am continuing to feel just one day after. Like mentioned previously, this earthquake brought many trapped emotions to the surface; a lot of unresolved situations that left me paralyzed with fear. One such situation that has re-surfaced is an almost stalker-like situation, where a friend had bailed me out from being stranded in southern Utah and we were followed from Spanish Fork all the way back to the Liberty Park area, way past midnight. It left me feeling violated and unsettled for weeks. I would have Ezra walk me out to the car in the mornings (when I worked the 5am shift), or even to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I'm having similar feelings right now. I am feeling jumpy and on edge, especially when our neighbors slam their doors, as it shakes the whole complex. And then almost this fear of the dark... as if there is someone lurking around in or near our home. Ezra felt some uneasiness with this morning's aftershock too... "like someone was walking near and around our bed," he said.
I know there's a reason for such feelings, as well as when events and/or natural disasters happen. Earthquakes tend to be energy that needs to be released from the earth's core. Sometimes they are long overdue for this release, and they are often unpredictable. Much of the same things happen to us too. We store emotional energy underneath so many layers, most of which we have suppressed and pushed down to our very cellular layer. Those layers must surface for healing, and sometimes we are unaware, but the universe makes us address those feelings whether we want to or not (most of the time we avoid it, am I right?). I feel like this is the earth's way of healing too.
I know this too shall pass, and I am grateful (we both are) that we only sustained but a few things fallen to our floor, and no more. We send out much love and light to those more heavily affected and pray for the safety of all. Please feel free to reach out to us, or someone in general, even if you need someone to talk it out. Stay safe out there and much love.
Some of the resources available:
https://counselingcenter.utah.edu/self-help/self-help-resources.php
https://www.utah.gov/beready/resources.html
https://www.hud.gov/states/utah/library/disasterrelief
https://adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/ask-and-learn/resources
