A Solid Defender - On and Off the Field

I am so glad I found a field hockey league here in Salt Lake.  It's been great brushing up on my skills that I haven't used in almost 10 years!  We have a mix of all levels of players, and being co-ed, we have men and women playing.  We also have players from all over the world.  One of the guys, in particular, grew up playing field hockey in South Africa.  He pretty much played field hockey from the time he was able to walk and hold a stick.  On a recent get together, he mentioned that I was a "solid defender."  It meant a lot to me to hear him say that, as he's a more skilled player than I am.  He brought along a couple of other friends that play, too.  They agreed.

As long as I can remember, being on defense was my forte.  I played mid field in field hockey (from middle school through college) and in lacrosse (in college).  I never really had the confidence to play up front on attack, but put me in the the back field and I was right at home.  My goal was not to let you score that point.  So that's where I stayed, and that's where I thrived.

So here my friend was praising me for being
a solid defender.  What did that mean to me? 

What does it feel like being a defender anyway?  Well for starters, we rarely get praised for winning games, because let's face it... the offense does most of the fancy work and sinks the goals.  Most of the time, that's who the spectators come to watch.  Think about it... you don't really go to a NFL game to watch the defense, do you? 


We get pushed around, shoved, and injured to do one thing - protect our goal, and defend our field.  We get pretty territorial when it comes to that.  In that moment, there is nothing more important than to protect the thing that is most valuable to us.  We would do anything to keep the other team from scoring... even taking one for the team. Because our team depends on us.


So what, right? 
Yes, we don't get the glory for scoring the points, but there is one thing that makes it all worth it:

As we're playing hockey, all of this ran through my mind (yup, one of my epiphany moments again).  So I may not be the best at offense, but I'm a great defender.  I may not get the glory, but I may  create the opportunity to potentially win a championship ring - because I work hard, and I have my mind set on a goal.



I'm also a solid defender off the field.  I defend my family and its honor, I defend my rights as a citizen and human, and I defend my faith and testimony.  I may never be on the front lines serving as a missionary or in the armed services, but if asked (or if needed), I will be there to defend the fort; and I would be there to serve as a defender of Virtue and the Kingdom of God.  There is nothing more important to me than to defend those valuable and priceless gifts we've been given.  I may not get any glory for being a defender, but in the end it's defenders like myself who win "the championship."

Ezra

I've blogged a lot about my race endeavors and maybe thoughts I've had during training, but not much about the behind the scenes people in my life.

Let me take a moment to talk about and introduce you to my wonderful husband, Ezra.

Ezra and I met in Frederick, MD when he got back from his mission with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in August 2009.  What was funny was that I had moved from Ashburn, VA to Frederick, MD due to the crazy gas prices we were experiencing.  Commuting 2 hours every day was just not feasible for me anymore.  I hadn't planned on staying but one year in Frederick.  I was hoping to move back to VA.  I decided to stay, and then Ezra came along.

Ezra served his mission in the Montevideo West mission in Uruguay.   Being a convert to the church, I was afraid it would have been years before I even got married, let alone to a Return Missionary!  I loved hearing about his stories on his mission, and the people he met.  

Ezra & Leo Arrieta

 

I met him on Sunday morning in our YSA Sunday school class in the Monocacy Ward in the Frederick Stake.  I know this might be a little weird to say, but it was really love at first sight for me.  His gorgeous blue eyes just spoke to me.  I knew from that moment on that I wanted to marry him.  But it was quite some time before we even started dating.  We started a friendship first, and we tried to feel out where each of us stood as far as relationships, etc.  As handsome as he was, I thought he had already had a girlfriend.  And I thought that he might think the age difference between us would be a deal breaker as well.  The more time we spent together, the stronger our friendship became and the more our feelings for each other grew.  The next thing I knew, we were a couple.  I think it shocked a lot of our YSA group.  I guess it just threw everyone for a loop.

We had mutual feelings very early on (in our relationship) that we wanted to get married, but we tried not to bring it up right away.  I still thought it was too good to be true that this wonderful man wanted to be with me.  I was just scared from having been so hurt in the past.  Despite all my baggage and flaws, he still wanted to be with me.  It was then that I knew he was definitely a keeper!

After that, it was fast forward from there.  We couldn't wait to be together and would spend almost of our spare time together.  We got engaged by August of 2010 (after he courageously went down to ask my parents' permission for my hand) and married on November 6, 2010.

Some things you may or may not know about him, which I love about him:

He loves cats!  He turns into a big softie with felines around.

My cat, Braveheart, fell in love with him the first time they met!  He loved Ezra almost more than he loved me!  And Ezra absolutely adored him!  They definitely had a bromance going on!  Never had Braveheart ever liked a male more than Ezra!

 

He plays guitar.  I'm married to a rock star!  ;)

 

He has two NFL teams he roots for...

First and foremost, the Green Bay Packers.

And because he's from Maryland, the Baltimore Ravens.

He always makes me laugh and has a great sense of humor.

And he's a student up at the University of Utah studying to be an Electrical Engineer.  I couldn't be more proud of him!  

He's always there to support me through all my endeavors and goals.  

Ezra's my best friend, my better half, and my rock.  I couldn't have been more blessed to have him for my husband and eternal companion.  He's sensitive, loyal, understanding, and loves me unconditionally.  I love him so much and I can't imagine what my life would have been like without him.  I look forward to more of our journey to unfold and where life will take us!  

Lessons I Learned this 2014 Tri Season

Here are just a few lessons I learned from this racing season:

1.Triathlons are 90% mental, and the other half physical.

Yes, this picture is self-explanatory.  You can train your heart out, but if your mental focus is not there, your physical capacity will suffer along with it.  I thought I was completely done with triathlon after I was mentally and emotionally defeated after a particular race I had, but really it was just a wall I put up of my own accord.  Only you can decide whether you succeed, or put up your own wall.


2.  Sometimes you come in Dead Last Finish, but you still get an age group award!
That same race in which I mentally defeated myself, I came in Dead Last.  But to my surprise, I still received an age group award!  Never under-estimate yourself!

3. Enjoy the course.
We often focus so much on our finish time, that we forget to enjoy our surroundings.  Take a breath, look a round, and enjoy the beauty of your race course.  Others don't have the opportunity to take part in such events in these beautiful settings!

4.  Do not let anyone re-define YOUR definition of finish.
We all know that cut off times are a big element in preparing for a race, but whether you finish in the alotted time or not, don't let a cutoff time determine your success.  What is your definition of FINISH?  Mine?  I didn't let the cutoff time deter me from finishing the course.  I had accomplished too much to allow a timing mat tell me whether I finished or not!  And even if you don't finish, hold your head high - YOU ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING GREAT JUST BY STARTING!

5.  Make sure to have some burritos, or burgers, to replenish!
 Grab a running buddy - or two or three - and go have something to eat together after those long training days!  Or better yet, whenever you feel like it!  You've depleted those calories and have earned it!  And... there's nothing better than to bond over your experience with a meal!  :)  Food always brings people together!

6.  You can't do this alone.
Okay, so maybe you can train alone, but it's difficult to tackle a huge goal on your own.  You'll experience high highs, and low lows.  One thing for sure is... you'll need that support for both ends of the spectrum, and everything in between.  When you're experiencing those lows, having teammates and training buddies [or whatever your support system may consist of] can help you refocus.  In a race, a positive and encouraging word can pull you up from the valleys of gloom and help you remember why you set this goal. But it's also nice to share those special moments (highs) with good friends!

7.  Just Start.  And give yourself a pat on the back for doing so!
It takes a lot of courage to start a training regimen - whether you're coming back from a hiatus, or just starting your first program.  There will be lots of ups and downs in your training, and even in your races, but DON'T GIVE UP!  Get out there and start!  And don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back because... guess what?  You're out there doing it!

My First Half Ironman: Ogden Valley 70.3

 I finished my first half ironman yesterday.  I JUST finished my first Half Ironman yesterday!  I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST HALF IRONMAN YESTERDAY!!!!!!!

Sorry for the yelling... well, I wasn't really yelling, but more like trying to express my enthusiasm and almost disbelief that that actually happened yesterday!

Let me take you back to August 16th.  I ran the Jordanelle Olympic distance triathlon to gauge where I was in regards to my training and preparedness for Ogden Valley.  After Jordanelle, I was done 

Jordanelle Tri

mentally.  It was discouraging being the last on the course, seeing everyone leave while still racing, and coming in DEAD LAST FINISH.  Funny thing was that even though coming in dead last, I still got an age group award!  haha.

I really thought that this race would be the end of my running triathlon altogether - that's how defeated I felt.  I talked with a teammate, Erich, who told me to give it time.  I then shamefully shared my race recap with one of my running groups sharing that I was going to give up my dream of running a half iron.  My teammate, Brook said, "I think we have to have hard races from time to time to make us really see what an accomplishment it is to race at all!!! Don't you quit! I am looking forward for your update after your half iron man!"  It meant a lot to me to hear that.   I then read our teammate, Joshua's, open letter blog post to our friend Jill.  It made me cry, and gave me the inspiration to move forward.  I also received an outpouring of love from other tri teammates, family, and friends.  It was only when others saw my potential did I break through the mental wall that I hit, and pushed forward with this feat I had before me.  I'm also the type that doesn't quit very easily, but I needed to be prodded a bit after a harsh blow.

So I used the last month to prepare for this half.  I even took a marathon prep (mental preparation) this past week to help me find ways to stay mentally focused during my race.  One of the negative thoughts I had written down (in which we exercised methods to counter) was "What if I don't finish?"  Our instructor, Nate, asked me why I wouldn't finish?  Cut off times were a big fear of mine.  He then asked me what my definition of finish was... It gave me something to think about.



Thursday, September 11, 2014.

FeliAnne & I at Pineview Reservoir

My friend and fellow tri teammate, FeliAnne, joined me on my final open water swim before my half ironman.  We went up to Pineview Reservoir to get a feel for the water.
I was so scared it was going to be freezing, and felt a sense of anxiety loom over me.


We saw another guy out there who was preparing for his first tri at Bear Lake Brawl.  He said the water was warm.  The sun was already starting to set and the air and sand were so cold, so we hurried and got in!  The water was absolutely perfect! 

Pineview Reservoir at Sunset

We didn't swim too incredibly long since the sun was setting rather quickly.  We got out and the wind was so incredibly cold!  We hurried out of our wetsuits and got in the car to head home.  My anxiety level of the water being cold dropped 200%!  Bring it on race day!



Friday, September 12, 2014

I was exhausted by 3pm!  I headed out of work a bit early to get my bag and gear prepared and then head out to dinner with my Run Aways team.  We had dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory at Trolley Square.  I stuffed my face with bread and pasta... sooooooo yummy!  I'm glad I got to share an evening with positive uplifting friends, a few of which were getting ready for their first marathons!  I was so excited to share in their journeys and their excitement, but most of all their willingness to follow through with their goals.

I was able to get to bed early and get a good amount of rest when I got home.  My hubby went out to a concert with his best friends.  I'm sad that I missed getting to hear Coheed & Cambria, but sleep was more important tonight than anything else.  Priorities.  Gotta love being an adult.

Saturday, September 13, 2014 - Race Day

4:30am wake up call.  This is it... this is the day I've been waiting and training for.  Forget all the could and should haves... there's no more time left for that.  I got the car ready and double checked my bag before getting Ezra up. It was a chilly morning and and even colder one when I got to Huntsville.  I parked at the T2 area and got check-in and body marked.

The ground was frosted over, so everyone's feet got cold while we set up our transition area.  I was already shivering and my fingers and toes felt numb.  I could barely get my bike off my bike rack, it was so cold!

I pumped up my tires, got all my gear together and headed out to T1 at the beach, almost 2 miles away.  The cold made all of us feel like our fingers and toes would fall off!

We got our T1 areas set up and got ready for the start of the race.  A few of my tri teammates were there too.  I'm always in awe of all the other triathletes, as I feel I'm an amateur compared to most.  It's an honor to be racing with them!

I'm glad I got my bathroom issues out of the way early this morning, too, as there was no TP in the Port-o-Potties!  Yikes!

We also found out at the race meeting that the bike course changed again from 2 loops to 3 loops (but with a loop around the Monastery twice).  Talk about having to mentally prep on cue!

As cold as it was, I was really looking forward to getting in the water!  White caps (that was my wave) went off first.  It was amazing that I felt no anxiety in the water this time!  It was such a blessing!  I felt more and more comfortable in the water with each race.  But most importantly, I didn't try and compare myself to anyone else this time.  I focused on me, and only me.

The swim went great!  I used my safety stroke when I was tired, and just kept moving forward.  I felt like I finished my 1.2 mile swim in a shorter amount of time than I anticipated (though I haven't checked officially).  I felt at home in the water and I didn't even need to hang on to a kayak to rest this time!  That's success enough for me!  Then, out of the water, and up the hill to T1.

I stripped off my wetsuit and donned my bike gear, and finally took Sparkle out for a ride.  My legs and my chest felt heavy, but I finally was able to get my body to adjust to the bike portion.  Round and round I went.  By my 3rd loop around the reservoir, I felt like I was the only one left on the bike course.  I wouldn't allow negative thoughts to consume me.  As soon as I felt negative thoughts arising, I'd counter it with a positive.  I told myself, "Joyce, I believe in you.  You're doing great!  You got this!"  I felt my legs inner quads start to get cramps, but I had to keep going.

I finally got in to T2, and a lot of competitors were already done with the half.  I don't think there was ever a time when I wanted to get off my bike so badly!  I wasn't sure I could go forward.  I was ready to throw in the towel.  Ezra found me and thought something had happened to me.  There were  3 guys sitting in T2 who nudged me to keep going - thank goodness for them!  They informed me that we rode 60 miles instead of 56!  And one guy in particular said, "Keep going - you can do it!  You know you'll regret it tomorrow if you give up now."  That's exactly what I needed to hear.  Corinne caught me as I headed out on the run, and stocked me up on hydration and fuel!  She told me to keep going and just finish, no matter how long it takes!  What a life saver!  Love you, Corinne! 

I tried to run, but my legs hurt so bad and my stomach felt sick.  I wanted to vomit.  I tried to run a bit, but walked A LOT!  It was hot out and the miles felt like they stretched out forever.  I still tried to maintain a positive attitude telling myself, "I have come this far, I can't stop now."  I enjoyed the beautiful scenery around the reservoir which kept my mind off of negative thoughts.

 The sun was beating down on me.  Most of the runners were already heading back for the second half of the half marathon portion of the

race.  My stomach still felt awful, my legs were in pain, and my feet were blistering and felt like they were going to bleed. I texted Ezra and said that I didn't think I was going to make it and that he might have to come pick me up.  I reached mile 5 and chatted with the young man manning the aid station.  He lifted my spirits and kept me going.  He said that even though the course closed at 4pm, that they would still be out there as long as the last racer was on the course.  I moved forward, texted Ezra back, and told him that I'd see if the SAG vehicle would come pick me up first - I wasn't going down without a fight (my own fight to the finish, that is)!  I ran into the guy ahead of me.  I asked if he knew if they had SAG vehicles out there (the SAG vehicle is a racer's worst nightmare - they're the crew that comes to pick you up if you haven't made the checkpoint cut off time) and he said he didn't know.  He told me he was going to keep going and find out.  So we both continued along.  We were way past the cut off time, so what did we have to lose?  I reached the last aid station where they had full fat Cokes!  I think the calories from the sugar and the caffeine, along with everyone's uplifting comments, made me feel so much better!  My pace on the way back was a bit faster than on my way past the mile 5 mark.  Even the young man noticed!

As I was heading back to the finish, a truck came along.  I thought "this is it... they're coming to pick me up!"  But, it was the young man at the aid station along with Randy, one of the race staff.  We met officially back at Jordanelle after he saw me at East Canyon.  He told me how proud of me he was!  I asked him about cut off times, and if I could finish.  He told me to take as long as I needed.  I told him how awful I felt on my run, but he made me feel so much better about coming this far and still wanting to finish.  So on I went...

Ezra & FeliAnne at my finish

Ezra & FeliAnne at my finish

I only had 3 miles left, but they felt like the longest 3 miles of my life!  It was hot, I was tired, and I just wanted to finish.  Ezra and FeliAnne were waiting for me!  I got a little lost on the way back, since I was so tired and all the other volunteers had already left.  I was so excited to see the finish line area!  Everyone was gone, except for Ezra, FeliAnne, the guy who finished before me, and his family.  The finish line was up, but the timing mats were gone.  But I didn't even care because
I FINISHED!  

Randy & Blake

The young man at the mile 5 aid station gave me my medal.  His name is Blake.  I found out that he's Randy's son!  No wonder he was so positive and uplifting!  And he was definitely placed where I needed him most - when I wanted to quit and have Ezra pick me up!

I'm so grateful both of them were there today!  They're one of the many people who didn't let me quit! 

Blake told me that a lot of people had their family and/or friends come pick them up around that same place I wanted Ezra to pick me up.  He commended me on persevering!  I didn't receive any awards, and I'm sure according to the timing company, I received a DNF (Did Not Finish), but that didn't matter to me at all.  I broke down that mental barrier and finished even when the cut off time told me I didn't.  I heard a quote at church today which went a little something like this:

"SUCCESS IS MEASURED IN THE ATTITUDE OF OUR HEARTS."

 ~ Sister Banks

 

Nate really did give me something to think about when he asked me "How do you define FINISH?"  
I certainly finished, and the people who knew I could do it were there to witness that!  There is no greater award that I could have received than that!  I felt like I rock star, and so I stood on the podium. By. Myself. Just. Because. I. Could.  Because I knew I had a heart and mind that would not give up!  And because I would not give in to failure!

Thank you to all of you who have supported me on my journey: my family, friends, B4K/Desert Sharks, Run Aways, RunJunkees, and anyone else that I forgot to mention!  It was a tough season, filled with ups and downs, but because you believed in me, I was able to believe in myself again!  Thank you TriUtah for an amazing race season (especially Randy & Dan), and I look forward to more fun next year!

A big thanks goes out to Alberto and Heather who came out to celebrate with me last night!  And for allowing me to wear my medal while I chowed down on my burger!

I Choose

Please forgive me for posting this graphic and disturbing picture.  I saw it on my friend, Nick's, blog. (Photo Cred: Shanea Gaiger https://fstoppers.com/editorial/what-happens-when-viral-image-spreads-beyond-your-control-35983)  Nick is one of my running teammates, and has documented his thoughts on his struggle with different issues, including weight loss.

This picture stirs up a lot of repressed memories and tearful days.  I have always struggled with my weight.  I don't really remember a time when my legs didn't rub together.  The sad thing is, there were many days when I felt the same way this little girl did.  I can't really pinpoint exactly when it happened, or why, but I fell in love with food.  It brought comfort to me in many ways, and helped me cope with the internal struggles I faced.  And because of it, I was a chubby kid.  Those days brought much torment to me at such a young age.

Some of my worst memories took place as a member of the UIAT (United Ilocano Association of Tidewater), in Virginia Beach.  As a member of the UIAT, I was part of the Filipino Folk Dancing Group.  We performed traditional Filipino folk dances, as well as choreographed dances to popular themed songs (mainly Disney theme songs).

I'm the one in the yellow

I was surrounded by these girls who were taller; thinner.  And I got picked on for being fat.  I remember one particular year, my parents took my siblings and I to Europe for the summer.  When we got back, I got stuck having to go back to dance practice, against my will.  We were performing Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast that year.  Our costumes for Aladdin were Arabian themed (*shudder* I had to expose my non-flat tummy).  For Beauty and the Beast, all the groups were already filled, so I got stuck as Mrs. Potts.  During the dress rehearsal, the boys kind of ganged up on me.  Dressed in a Mrs. Potts costume, the leader of that pack came up to me and said, "That costume makes you look fatter than you already are."  Already self-conscious as I was, that comment stuck with me and resonated in my soul for a long time after that day.

I felt so un-beautiful.  I hated myself and how I looked.  I hid the pain in books, school, and  a smile.



I'd look through magazines, much like the little girl in the picture, and long to be like the models I saw in there.  Thin.  Beautiful.  Perfect. 


 In middle school, I finally lost my baby fat.  Playing field hockey, basketball, and running track kept the weight off in high school.

I still wasn't the skinniest of my friends.  I still longed to be slender like many of them were.  No matter what I did, I never looked like those girls in the magazines, and I could not get thin enough.  My self esteem took a couple of hits when my crushes back then chose the skinnier, more popular girls; bringing me back to the way I felt in that Mrs. Potts costume.


I eventually graduated from high school and left for college.  Thinking it wouldn't happen to me, I gained the freshman 15 and then some.  But because I went to a Division 3 school, I was able to play on the lacrosse team.  My weight still fluctuated, but I was finally able to get most of it off and stay at a healthy weight.


Stress and depression eventually got the best of me after graduating from college, as I was in an abusive relationship for quite a few years.  I lost my sense of self-worth and my self-esteem had plummeted.  My boyfriend, at the time, would tell me I'd need to lose 10 pounds here, or 15 pounds there.  Instead of being motivated to get the weight off, I just continued to eat away my pain and packed it on more.  I continued a pattern of self-loathing.  I reached the heaviest I had ever been.  I was too scared to even step on the scale, but my guess is I was around 185 - 190 lbs.  That's a lot of weight for a short girl like myself.  Again I'd look at all the thin girls and get jealous... and hate myself.

My boyfriend broke up with me before my first marathon in 2009.  After I crossed that finish line, I vowed to better myself.  I decided then to start learning to love myself again.  It wasn't until I learned gospel truths that I really understood how beautiful I was, and how much I was worth.  I was looking to the standards of society to rate how beautiful I was, when I found out that I was a beautiful and beloved daughter of God, worth more than rubies and gold! Ezra came along and confirmed just that.  He looked past my weight, and loved me for who I was - just the way I was.  I couldn't have been more grateful to have found someone who thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

To this day, I still struggle with my weight.  I may never have a tiny waist or flat stomach, but I have learned to love myself  as is.  I still strive to get more weight off to be a healthier person so as to provide a better quality of life for my future children, but I won't go to extreme lengths or unrealistic measures to attain those results.  I have learned to appreciate my body, and take better care of it.  And I have realized how amazing my body is - it is strong and has gone through tough challenges like triathlons and marathons.  I have learned that the scale does not define me; that my past does not define me; and that what society thinks of me does not define me. 



I want to put out there that in no way do I hate or judge women for being skinny, slender, or thin (and I don't advocate the behavior of hating on anyone for their weight or how they look). I think that if they feel beautiful that way, that's great!  I still think Victoria's Secret models are beautiful, just as much as the next girl who carries some extra weight (and that goes for guys, too).

I do wish more girls, boys, women, and men would look beyond society's standards on how they should look, and I wish more people would realize their worth and see how beautiful they really are.


Like India Arie's "I Choose Lyrics" says,

"(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be courageous in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose."

I choose.