Lessons I Learned this 2014 Tri Season

Here are just a few lessons I learned from this racing season:

1.Triathlons are 90% mental, and the other half physical.

Yes, this picture is self-explanatory.  You can train your heart out, but if your mental focus is not there, your physical capacity will suffer along with it.  I thought I was completely done with triathlon after I was mentally and emotionally defeated after a particular race I had, but really it was just a wall I put up of my own accord.  Only you can decide whether you succeed, or put up your own wall.


2.  Sometimes you come in Dead Last Finish, but you still get an age group award!
That same race in which I mentally defeated myself, I came in Dead Last.  But to my surprise, I still received an age group award!  Never under-estimate yourself!

3. Enjoy the course.
We often focus so much on our finish time, that we forget to enjoy our surroundings.  Take a breath, look a round, and enjoy the beauty of your race course.  Others don't have the opportunity to take part in such events in these beautiful settings!

4.  Do not let anyone re-define YOUR definition of finish.
We all know that cut off times are a big element in preparing for a race, but whether you finish in the alotted time or not, don't let a cutoff time determine your success.  What is your definition of FINISH?  Mine?  I didn't let the cutoff time deter me from finishing the course.  I had accomplished too much to allow a timing mat tell me whether I finished or not!  And even if you don't finish, hold your head high - YOU ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING GREAT JUST BY STARTING!

5.  Make sure to have some burritos, or burgers, to replenish!
 Grab a running buddy - or two or three - and go have something to eat together after those long training days!  Or better yet, whenever you feel like it!  You've depleted those calories and have earned it!  And... there's nothing better than to bond over your experience with a meal!  :)  Food always brings people together!

6.  You can't do this alone.
Okay, so maybe you can train alone, but it's difficult to tackle a huge goal on your own.  You'll experience high highs, and low lows.  One thing for sure is... you'll need that support for both ends of the spectrum, and everything in between.  When you're experiencing those lows, having teammates and training buddies [or whatever your support system may consist of] can help you refocus.  In a race, a positive and encouraging word can pull you up from the valleys of gloom and help you remember why you set this goal. But it's also nice to share those special moments (highs) with good friends!

7.  Just Start.  And give yourself a pat on the back for doing so!
It takes a lot of courage to start a training regimen - whether you're coming back from a hiatus, or just starting your first program.  There will be lots of ups and downs in your training, and even in your races, but DON'T GIVE UP!  Get out there and start!  And don't forget to give yourself a pat on the back because... guess what?  You're out there doing it!

My First Half Ironman: Ogden Valley 70.3

 I finished my first half ironman yesterday.  I JUST finished my first Half Ironman yesterday!  I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST HALF IRONMAN YESTERDAY!!!!!!!

Sorry for the yelling... well, I wasn't really yelling, but more like trying to express my enthusiasm and almost disbelief that that actually happened yesterday!

Let me take you back to August 16th.  I ran the Jordanelle Olympic distance triathlon to gauge where I was in regards to my training and preparedness for Ogden Valley.  After Jordanelle, I was done 

Jordanelle Tri

mentally.  It was discouraging being the last on the course, seeing everyone leave while still racing, and coming in DEAD LAST FINISH.  Funny thing was that even though coming in dead last, I still got an age group award!  haha.

I really thought that this race would be the end of my running triathlon altogether - that's how defeated I felt.  I talked with a teammate, Erich, who told me to give it time.  I then shamefully shared my race recap with one of my running groups sharing that I was going to give up my dream of running a half iron.  My teammate, Brook said, "I think we have to have hard races from time to time to make us really see what an accomplishment it is to race at all!!! Don't you quit! I am looking forward for your update after your half iron man!"  It meant a lot to me to hear that.   I then read our teammate, Joshua's, open letter blog post to our friend Jill.  It made me cry, and gave me the inspiration to move forward.  I also received an outpouring of love from other tri teammates, family, and friends.  It was only when others saw my potential did I break through the mental wall that I hit, and pushed forward with this feat I had before me.  I'm also the type that doesn't quit very easily, but I needed to be prodded a bit after a harsh blow.

So I used the last month to prepare for this half.  I even took a marathon prep (mental preparation) this past week to help me find ways to stay mentally focused during my race.  One of the negative thoughts I had written down (in which we exercised methods to counter) was "What if I don't finish?"  Our instructor, Nate, asked me why I wouldn't finish?  Cut off times were a big fear of mine.  He then asked me what my definition of finish was... It gave me something to think about.



Thursday, September 11, 2014.

FeliAnne & I at Pineview Reservoir

My friend and fellow tri teammate, FeliAnne, joined me on my final open water swim before my half ironman.  We went up to Pineview Reservoir to get a feel for the water.
I was so scared it was going to be freezing, and felt a sense of anxiety loom over me.


We saw another guy out there who was preparing for his first tri at Bear Lake Brawl.  He said the water was warm.  The sun was already starting to set and the air and sand were so cold, so we hurried and got in!  The water was absolutely perfect! 

Pineview Reservoir at Sunset

We didn't swim too incredibly long since the sun was setting rather quickly.  We got out and the wind was so incredibly cold!  We hurried out of our wetsuits and got in the car to head home.  My anxiety level of the water being cold dropped 200%!  Bring it on race day!



Friday, September 12, 2014

I was exhausted by 3pm!  I headed out of work a bit early to get my bag and gear prepared and then head out to dinner with my Run Aways team.  We had dinner at the Old Spaghetti Factory at Trolley Square.  I stuffed my face with bread and pasta... sooooooo yummy!  I'm glad I got to share an evening with positive uplifting friends, a few of which were getting ready for their first marathons!  I was so excited to share in their journeys and their excitement, but most of all their willingness to follow through with their goals.

I was able to get to bed early and get a good amount of rest when I got home.  My hubby went out to a concert with his best friends.  I'm sad that I missed getting to hear Coheed & Cambria, but sleep was more important tonight than anything else.  Priorities.  Gotta love being an adult.

Saturday, September 13, 2014 - Race Day

4:30am wake up call.  This is it... this is the day I've been waiting and training for.  Forget all the could and should haves... there's no more time left for that.  I got the car ready and double checked my bag before getting Ezra up. It was a chilly morning and and even colder one when I got to Huntsville.  I parked at the T2 area and got check-in and body marked.

The ground was frosted over, so everyone's feet got cold while we set up our transition area.  I was already shivering and my fingers and toes felt numb.  I could barely get my bike off my bike rack, it was so cold!

I pumped up my tires, got all my gear together and headed out to T1 at the beach, almost 2 miles away.  The cold made all of us feel like our fingers and toes would fall off!

We got our T1 areas set up and got ready for the start of the race.  A few of my tri teammates were there too.  I'm always in awe of all the other triathletes, as I feel I'm an amateur compared to most.  It's an honor to be racing with them!

I'm glad I got my bathroom issues out of the way early this morning, too, as there was no TP in the Port-o-Potties!  Yikes!

We also found out at the race meeting that the bike course changed again from 2 loops to 3 loops (but with a loop around the Monastery twice).  Talk about having to mentally prep on cue!

As cold as it was, I was really looking forward to getting in the water!  White caps (that was my wave) went off first.  It was amazing that I felt no anxiety in the water this time!  It was such a blessing!  I felt more and more comfortable in the water with each race.  But most importantly, I didn't try and compare myself to anyone else this time.  I focused on me, and only me.

The swim went great!  I used my safety stroke when I was tired, and just kept moving forward.  I felt like I finished my 1.2 mile swim in a shorter amount of time than I anticipated (though I haven't checked officially).  I felt at home in the water and I didn't even need to hang on to a kayak to rest this time!  That's success enough for me!  Then, out of the water, and up the hill to T1.

I stripped off my wetsuit and donned my bike gear, and finally took Sparkle out for a ride.  My legs and my chest felt heavy, but I finally was able to get my body to adjust to the bike portion.  Round and round I went.  By my 3rd loop around the reservoir, I felt like I was the only one left on the bike course.  I wouldn't allow negative thoughts to consume me.  As soon as I felt negative thoughts arising, I'd counter it with a positive.  I told myself, "Joyce, I believe in you.  You're doing great!  You got this!"  I felt my legs inner quads start to get cramps, but I had to keep going.

I finally got in to T2, and a lot of competitors were already done with the half.  I don't think there was ever a time when I wanted to get off my bike so badly!  I wasn't sure I could go forward.  I was ready to throw in the towel.  Ezra found me and thought something had happened to me.  There were  3 guys sitting in T2 who nudged me to keep going - thank goodness for them!  They informed me that we rode 60 miles instead of 56!  And one guy in particular said, "Keep going - you can do it!  You know you'll regret it tomorrow if you give up now."  That's exactly what I needed to hear.  Corinne caught me as I headed out on the run, and stocked me up on hydration and fuel!  She told me to keep going and just finish, no matter how long it takes!  What a life saver!  Love you, Corinne! 

I tried to run, but my legs hurt so bad and my stomach felt sick.  I wanted to vomit.  I tried to run a bit, but walked A LOT!  It was hot out and the miles felt like they stretched out forever.  I still tried to maintain a positive attitude telling myself, "I have come this far, I can't stop now."  I enjoyed the beautiful scenery around the reservoir which kept my mind off of negative thoughts.

 The sun was beating down on me.  Most of the runners were already heading back for the second half of the half marathon portion of the

race.  My stomach still felt awful, my legs were in pain, and my feet were blistering and felt like they were going to bleed. I texted Ezra and said that I didn't think I was going to make it and that he might have to come pick me up.  I reached mile 5 and chatted with the young man manning the aid station.  He lifted my spirits and kept me going.  He said that even though the course closed at 4pm, that they would still be out there as long as the last racer was on the course.  I moved forward, texted Ezra back, and told him that I'd see if the SAG vehicle would come pick me up first - I wasn't going down without a fight (my own fight to the finish, that is)!  I ran into the guy ahead of me.  I asked if he knew if they had SAG vehicles out there (the SAG vehicle is a racer's worst nightmare - they're the crew that comes to pick you up if you haven't made the checkpoint cut off time) and he said he didn't know.  He told me he was going to keep going and find out.  So we both continued along.  We were way past the cut off time, so what did we have to lose?  I reached the last aid station where they had full fat Cokes!  I think the calories from the sugar and the caffeine, along with everyone's uplifting comments, made me feel so much better!  My pace on the way back was a bit faster than on my way past the mile 5 mark.  Even the young man noticed!

As I was heading back to the finish, a truck came along.  I thought "this is it... they're coming to pick me up!"  But, it was the young man at the aid station along with Randy, one of the race staff.  We met officially back at Jordanelle after he saw me at East Canyon.  He told me how proud of me he was!  I asked him about cut off times, and if I could finish.  He told me to take as long as I needed.  I told him how awful I felt on my run, but he made me feel so much better about coming this far and still wanting to finish.  So on I went...

Ezra & FeliAnne at my finish

Ezra & FeliAnne at my finish

I only had 3 miles left, but they felt like the longest 3 miles of my life!  It was hot, I was tired, and I just wanted to finish.  Ezra and FeliAnne were waiting for me!  I got a little lost on the way back, since I was so tired and all the other volunteers had already left.  I was so excited to see the finish line area!  Everyone was gone, except for Ezra, FeliAnne, the guy who finished before me, and his family.  The finish line was up, but the timing mats were gone.  But I didn't even care because
I FINISHED!  

Randy & Blake

The young man at the mile 5 aid station gave me my medal.  His name is Blake.  I found out that he's Randy's son!  No wonder he was so positive and uplifting!  And he was definitely placed where I needed him most - when I wanted to quit and have Ezra pick me up!

I'm so grateful both of them were there today!  They're one of the many people who didn't let me quit! 

Blake told me that a lot of people had their family and/or friends come pick them up around that same place I wanted Ezra to pick me up.  He commended me on persevering!  I didn't receive any awards, and I'm sure according to the timing company, I received a DNF (Did Not Finish), but that didn't matter to me at all.  I broke down that mental barrier and finished even when the cut off time told me I didn't.  I heard a quote at church today which went a little something like this:

"SUCCESS IS MEASURED IN THE ATTITUDE OF OUR HEARTS."

 ~ Sister Banks

 

Nate really did give me something to think about when he asked me "How do you define FINISH?"  
I certainly finished, and the people who knew I could do it were there to witness that!  There is no greater award that I could have received than that!  I felt like I rock star, and so I stood on the podium. By. Myself. Just. Because. I. Could.  Because I knew I had a heart and mind that would not give up!  And because I would not give in to failure!

Thank you to all of you who have supported me on my journey: my family, friends, B4K/Desert Sharks, Run Aways, RunJunkees, and anyone else that I forgot to mention!  It was a tough season, filled with ups and downs, but because you believed in me, I was able to believe in myself again!  Thank you TriUtah for an amazing race season (especially Randy & Dan), and I look forward to more fun next year!

A big thanks goes out to Alberto and Heather who came out to celebrate with me last night!  And for allowing me to wear my medal while I chowed down on my burger!

I Choose

Please forgive me for posting this graphic and disturbing picture.  I saw it on my friend, Nick's, blog. (Photo Cred: Shanea Gaiger https://fstoppers.com/editorial/what-happens-when-viral-image-spreads-beyond-your-control-35983)  Nick is one of my running teammates, and has documented his thoughts on his struggle with different issues, including weight loss.

This picture stirs up a lot of repressed memories and tearful days.  I have always struggled with my weight.  I don't really remember a time when my legs didn't rub together.  The sad thing is, there were many days when I felt the same way this little girl did.  I can't really pinpoint exactly when it happened, or why, but I fell in love with food.  It brought comfort to me in many ways, and helped me cope with the internal struggles I faced.  And because of it, I was a chubby kid.  Those days brought much torment to me at such a young age.

Some of my worst memories took place as a member of the UIAT (United Ilocano Association of Tidewater), in Virginia Beach.  As a member of the UIAT, I was part of the Filipino Folk Dancing Group.  We performed traditional Filipino folk dances, as well as choreographed dances to popular themed songs (mainly Disney theme songs).

I'm the one in the yellow

I was surrounded by these girls who were taller; thinner.  And I got picked on for being fat.  I remember one particular year, my parents took my siblings and I to Europe for the summer.  When we got back, I got stuck having to go back to dance practice, against my will.  We were performing Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast that year.  Our costumes for Aladdin were Arabian themed (*shudder* I had to expose my non-flat tummy).  For Beauty and the Beast, all the groups were already filled, so I got stuck as Mrs. Potts.  During the dress rehearsal, the boys kind of ganged up on me.  Dressed in a Mrs. Potts costume, the leader of that pack came up to me and said, "That costume makes you look fatter than you already are."  Already self-conscious as I was, that comment stuck with me and resonated in my soul for a long time after that day.

I felt so un-beautiful.  I hated myself and how I looked.  I hid the pain in books, school, and  a smile.



I'd look through magazines, much like the little girl in the picture, and long to be like the models I saw in there.  Thin.  Beautiful.  Perfect. 


 In middle school, I finally lost my baby fat.  Playing field hockey, basketball, and running track kept the weight off in high school.

I still wasn't the skinniest of my friends.  I still longed to be slender like many of them were.  No matter what I did, I never looked like those girls in the magazines, and I could not get thin enough.  My self esteem took a couple of hits when my crushes back then chose the skinnier, more popular girls; bringing me back to the way I felt in that Mrs. Potts costume.


I eventually graduated from high school and left for college.  Thinking it wouldn't happen to me, I gained the freshman 15 and then some.  But because I went to a Division 3 school, I was able to play on the lacrosse team.  My weight still fluctuated, but I was finally able to get most of it off and stay at a healthy weight.


Stress and depression eventually got the best of me after graduating from college, as I was in an abusive relationship for quite a few years.  I lost my sense of self-worth and my self-esteem had plummeted.  My boyfriend, at the time, would tell me I'd need to lose 10 pounds here, or 15 pounds there.  Instead of being motivated to get the weight off, I just continued to eat away my pain and packed it on more.  I continued a pattern of self-loathing.  I reached the heaviest I had ever been.  I was too scared to even step on the scale, but my guess is I was around 185 - 190 lbs.  That's a lot of weight for a short girl like myself.  Again I'd look at all the thin girls and get jealous... and hate myself.

My boyfriend broke up with me before my first marathon in 2009.  After I crossed that finish line, I vowed to better myself.  I decided then to start learning to love myself again.  It wasn't until I learned gospel truths that I really understood how beautiful I was, and how much I was worth.  I was looking to the standards of society to rate how beautiful I was, when I found out that I was a beautiful and beloved daughter of God, worth more than rubies and gold! Ezra came along and confirmed just that.  He looked past my weight, and loved me for who I was - just the way I was.  I couldn't have been more grateful to have found someone who thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

To this day, I still struggle with my weight.  I may never have a tiny waist or flat stomach, but I have learned to love myself  as is.  I still strive to get more weight off to be a healthier person so as to provide a better quality of life for my future children, but I won't go to extreme lengths or unrealistic measures to attain those results.  I have learned to appreciate my body, and take better care of it.  And I have realized how amazing my body is - it is strong and has gone through tough challenges like triathlons and marathons.  I have learned that the scale does not define me; that my past does not define me; and that what society thinks of me does not define me. 



I want to put out there that in no way do I hate or judge women for being skinny, slender, or thin (and I don't advocate the behavior of hating on anyone for their weight or how they look). I think that if they feel beautiful that way, that's great!  I still think Victoria's Secret models are beautiful, just as much as the next girl who carries some extra weight (and that goes for guys, too).

I do wish more girls, boys, women, and men would look beyond society's standards on how they should look, and I wish more people would realize their worth and see how beautiful they really are.


Like India Arie's "I Choose Lyrics" says,

"(And I choose) to be the best that I can be.
(I choose) to be courageous in everything I do.
My past don't dictate who I am. I choose."

I choose.

T minus 6 days until my first 70.3 (09.06.14)

Today marks one week until my first 70.3.  I'll be running the Ogden Valley Half Iron Distance Triathlon in Huntsville, UT next Saturday, September 13th.  I signed up for this race early this year, but because of how mentally defeated I felt at my last triathlon, I almost talked myself out of running it.  But thanks to the love and support of many family and friends (especially my running family and tri teammates), as well as my stubborn yet determined nature, I'm going to attempt it!

Two blog posts ago, I wrote about my experience at the Jordanelle triathlon.  I was mentally and emotionally defeated, and thought about giving up triathlon altogether.  In talking to one of my teammates after the race, he told me to just give it some time.  He, too, had gone through something similar.  I was almost ashamed to write about my experience because triathlon has been the sport that has gotten me through so much of my turmoil after college.  But yet, I was just about ready to throw in the towel.

I then posted my blog entry in my running group, and got so much support from one particular teammate who just ran a tri that same day.  Thank you, Brook, for convincing me not to give up on this goal of mine!  I also got support from my tri teammates; especially Brandy and Jerry!  And Ezra felt that I could do it (and reminded me that he'd be there to support me)!  Then, my running teammate, Heather, said she'd come cheer me on too!  :)

My running teammate, Jill, posted a group workout to take place at Emigration Canyon this morning.  She, her husband, Mark, and also Elvia are all running their first full marathon next week at Big Cottonwood Canyon.  Hence, the 8 mile run.  Elvia and I talked while we waited for the rest of the party to arrive, and talked about how we almost regretted making the decisions to run these huge races!  She, however, is also the kind of person who always follows through on commitments, not matter what the circumstance.  I'm the same way.  :)  No wonder we're friends!

As we were waiting on this cold morning, we saw rain clouds with lightning striking rather close to the area in which we were going to be running.  But amidst the darkness, a rainbow emerged.

 

What a gift it was to have this rainbow appear.  My teammate, Brandy, still hadn't arrived, so we headed up the canyon.  She said she'd meet us along the way.  The first few miles are always tough for me with my asthma.  It takes awhile for my lungs to open up.  The wind didn't help today; and of course it was an incline.  Our plan was to run 4 up and 4 down.

I got a picture of the sun peeking out from behind the peaks of the canyon.  So pretty!  I love moments like these!

 

Brandy finally caught up with me about a mile into the run.  It was a little scary running with all the traffic coming at us, and the very narrow shoulder.  

About half way through our run, the elements kicked in and we got a frigid Utah rain.

We finally made it back in one piece!  Yay!  I'm glad I got to go out for a run today.  It's been an especially stressful week!  And this run made me feel so much better about next week.  I'm so glad I got to train with Brandy today!  And I'm glad I got to be part of Jill's, Mark's, and Elvia's journey to their first marathon!

Porter's Half Marathon 08.30.14

August 30, 2014.

Another 3:30am wake up call, so I could get myself ready for my half marathon down in Draper.  My training buddy, Alberto, met up with me at 4:15am.  Then we headed down to Draper City Park to do some volunteering at day of race registration and check in.  We saw Janet and Robert there early.  And the more and more Run Aways started trickling in.  I also saw one of my tri teammates, Corinne, as she checked in to the 10k.  She was there to run with her daughters.  :)  I didn't get an early pic with my Run Aways family while at check in, but they did get this one of us before we headed down the canyon.  It was so nice to meet more of them!  I finally got to meet the amazing Suzette!  As you can see in the picture below, she was running in memory of her son, Porter.  Running for Porter at Porter's Half Marathon!     

This race didn't have too many participants.  It was a rather small race compared to Deseret News Classic.  I think I prefer larger races, but that's okay... I like the small races for different reasons.  :)

The gun went off  at 7am.  We all headed down the canyon.  I decided to take my time, while most of the RA's took off.  It was a beautiful morning for a run.  It was a bit breezy with a bit of sunshine poking through the clouds as it rose over the mountains.  It wasn't hot at all.  We ran through some neighborhoods with gorgeous houses and gardens. 


Just like Alberto told me on the way up to the start line, there are some pretty amazing views along the course!

I made two new friends along the way.  Janie and Yvonne.  I was pacing Janie and she was pacing Yvonne.  Janie had run a half not too long ago in 2:20, but she got injured during a recent Ragnar.  Yvonne was a great motivation in trying to keep our spirits high and to keep moving forward.

Along the course I got to see this beautiful view of the Draper Temple.  It's not every day that you get to run a race with a temple in sight.  That's the cool thing about running here in Utah.

I was keeping a pretty good pace until about mile 8, when stomach issues hit me!  At this point, I ran into Camille, who just wasn't feeling it.  Camille is amazing!  She's one of those cool women who runs those races while pregnant!  She walked with me for the few minutes we were together.  She spotted a port-o-potty hidden in some construction for me to visit before getting back on the course.  Some deer were in the vicinity too!  (I'm sure Joshua would have loved that!)

When I got back on the course, I felt like I was the only one around.  The sky got more overcast and the wind picked up.  I only saw about 3 people ahead of me.  I kept moving forward.  My legs started to feel the burn around mile 10.  I'm sure it was from the downhills.  The last few miles of the race felt so long.  Even when rounding the corner at mile 13 was torture!  That 0.1 was a killer!  I didn't think I'd ever make it to the end!

But, I crossed the finish line and my Run Aways family was there at the finish line!  It was nice having people there to cheer me on!  I'm so grateful for their friendship and their encouragement!  I hope to be like a lot of them, and become a better runner!  They are so inspiring!

 Quite a few of them got age group awards:  Monte, London, Robert, Janet, and Stacy.  (I think there may be more, but I can't remember who)

I also caught up with Janie and Yvonne, who were worried about me when I dropped off.  It was really sweet of them to wait around for me! 

We got some pretty fun medals too!

Alberto and I sat and chatted with Heather for awhile after the race.  I stretched out my achy legs while the young men tore the finish line down.  We saw 2 ladies come in after everything had been torn down.  Good for them for finishing!  One of the girls hadn't run in a few months, but came out here and did it anyway!  What heart!  I think some of those stories are more inspiring than the overall race winners.  I know what it feels like to come in last, when everyone else has already gone home (that's partially why I like bigger races more... I don't feel like I'm alone).

And the fun didn't stop there.  In lieu of my upcoming half iron distance triathlon (70.3) coming up in a few weeks, Alberto humored me and came on a 30 mile bike ride with me up in Huntsville, UT (the site of the tri).  We rode around Pineview Reservoir.  

 

We were aiming for 50 miles, but he got a little tired, so we cut our ride short and headed back to Salt Lake.  Before doing so, however, we stopped by Wendy's and got burgers to replenish all the calories we burned! 

What a fun day!  I didn't think I'd make it through the bike ride, but I did!  I felt pretty good afterward too!  Standing in the reservoir for a few minutes helped.  I can't wait!  70.3 here I come!  :)